Football

Football is a crime in Alanland. Being a football is punishable by de-lacing, followed by the mockery of children. Some criminal law scholars debate whether wishing to see children mocked justifies the crime.

The terminology of 'football' for the game of soccer is officially outlawed in Alanland. Failure to follow this law will result in a prison term of five years.

The penalty for playing football is death by football. The penalty for death is having to wear a comical hat while playing football.