Alan Corcoran

Alan Corcoran (J-OD) was the fourteenth Grand Unified Alan of Alanland. He was elected in the 2012 election, defeating Alan Brady. Alan Corcoran replaced the outgoing Alan Torrington.

Notice of Corcoran being declared the winner of the election was delayed by electile dysfunction. Monican party mouthpiece PRAVDALAN reported that all is well: there was a chicken in every garage, and pot had been found in the car of a major opposition candidate (presumably Brady), though if he was in Alanrado, there wouldn't have been a problem. A large radiation cloud over Sweden may have been involved in the electile dysfunction, but that could be anything, really. Corcoran was finally announced as the winner of the election on November 11, 2012, with the inauguration occurring January 1, 2013.

Before his inauguration, Corcoran announced the first reform of his administration would be a strategic shift of the nation's computer systems to use the EBCDIC character set exclusively. Corcoran cited virus protection as a key reason for the change. Voters reported they were pleased with the policy change, 59% to 44%. 26% were recorded as abstaining, while 73% thought the statistic was made up. 34% were confused about the fact that they were at a voting booth.

Corcoran supported a bill that would replace the Numberwang with goats as Alanland's official currency. When the bill was defeated 33–15 in the Fractional Parliament, he was quoted as saying "Well, now we don't have a pot to pee in." Corcoran maintains that the number 33 doesn't exist most of the time.

On August 11, 2013, Corcoran appointed Alanland University football coach Martin McMarty head of the Sports Uniform Standardization Commission.

Corcoran came under fire on September 1, 2013, for proclaiming a case of washer tilt in Armourdale "the darkest day in Alanland history since the Caterpillar War." Jean LaGasp said this proclamation was historically insensitive and was something Colfax would say. Corcoran refused to retract his remarks.

Corcoran was replaced as Grand Unified Alan by Alan Merritt on January 1, 2021. Corcoran was subsequently packed into a cardboard box and stored in the attic, in case he's needed later.